Lucie Loves... Life // All you need is (self) love - moving on after a break up and why it isn't the end of the world spending Valentine's Day alone
Valentine’s Day is here again – and somehow I find myself single for another year of hearts, cards and flowers. So what is a single girl to do on the most romantic day of the year? Be sad, depressed and bitter? Eat Ben and Jerry’s (other brands of ice cream available) in my sweat pants whilst watching re-runs of friends, wondering if maybe.. just maybe, a card might drop through my door?
Nope! Although I didn’t receive a Valentine’s card this year, I did receive an amazing little package! (and not a man in sight to give me that scathing ‘you’ve been internet shopping again’ look).
Happy Valentine's Day to me!
This lyrical mug set, available at Truffle Shuffle, is the perfect Valentine’s gift…to me! I love, love, love The Beatles, and I absolutely adore this Beatles official merchandise mug and vinyl-style saucer – in the words of Lennon and McCartney, (all together now) all you need is love!
And for me, self-love is what today is all about. If you don’t love yourself, how can you expect someone else to love you? (It makes sense!)
Did I mention the word ‘love’ too many times??
I’ve had the sickeningly happy Valentine’s Days – the gifts, the Valentine’s meals, the doe-eyed looks across the table and the romantic tat! In my last relationship, I had come to a point where everything I did was to make ‘him’ happy. Then one day, quite abruptly, it all came crashing down. My best friend, my dinner partner, my go-to contact in my phone was suddenly gone. I had to relearn my daily routines and refocus on being me again - as a stand-alone person. I didn’t even know what my individual needs were anymore. I didn’t know who I was as a single person.
It took some time, but once I had replayed it all over and over... and over again in my head, once I had cried all the tears that I had in me to cry, and after days and days of refusing to get out of bed, I decided (as they say) to get back on the (dating) horse – but obviously a different, non-jerk type horse. That would make me feel better, right? Wrong! I actually remember drunk crying all the way home in a taxi, post-date, having realised that I was still in love (there’s that word again) with my ex. You see, when the man who has the starring role in your future breaks your heart, surprisingly, the love doesn’t just disappear.
And in loving this man, I had forgotten how to love myself. I wasn’t eating, I wasn’t sleeping, I had lost all focus and motivation. My emotions ran the whole goddamned show, and my rational mind didn’t get a look in.
It’s all about me now!
Today, I am in a much better place, but before I start to date again, I have been taking the time to reconnect with myself – to get to know myself, and to love myself again.
Q. How do you mend a broken heart?
Firstly, I focussed on my positive attributes – give yourself permission to brag! What is great about you? If you’re finding this difficult, ask a friend what your best qualities are, what they admire you for, etc.
I asked myself what I didn’t love about myself, and what I’m going to do to change that – If something’s not working for you, change it! Set goals - what do you want to achieve? What’s the first step in getting there?
I gave myself a kick-ass mantra! Mantras are a great start to feeling better about yourself. Make it your screensaver, so that every day you are constantly reminded to stay motivated.
I stopped neglecting myself. Eat healthy, get fit, take long walks, read a book, get a new hairstyle, get your nails done, buy a push-up bra – do whatever makes YOU feel great about you!
Rome wasn’t built in a day, but I’ve made significant progress - and I’m a lot happier for it!
So although I may not be locking lips with a gorgeous hunk of a man this Valentine’s Day, I got my lips around a delicious mug of hot chocolate (did I mention the amazing mug?!). I spent quality time with myself – it’s healthy to spend time working through your inner thoughts and emotions – don’t push them to one side (like the dirty laundry pile, they won’t disappear until you work through them). There were no dashed expectations, no questioning why he didn’t remember to get me a card or why I didn’t get a big bouquet of flowers delivered to my house, or whether he even really does love me at all? I also decided to set myself some new goals – watch this space!
I have loved my date with me! And at the end of it, I get the bed all to myself – I’m talking about starfishing the shit out of this whole bloody king size. Being single is actually quite liberating!
Who loves ya baby? – You do!
Words & photos ~ Jennifer Austin
Follow Jenny on Instagram @jennifer_onewoman